Wednesday 24 September 2014

Silver linings

Dear all,

For all the insistence yesterday that I couldn't give a monkey's aunt's husband about the result yesterday, the performance certainly delivered something of a knock. I didn't have super high expectations from our cobbled together defence but it was our more senior players who left us wanting the most.


We Love it here! The bench has comfy seats.

Of course, I always want to see Arsenal win but you can't help but be a bit disappointed with the performances from the likes of Campbell and Podolski. They're on the fringes of the first team for a reason and that doesn't look likely to change any time soon. It didn't seem like they mind either. Podolski has proven quality and I imagine Campbell probably thinks his quality is proven as well with his European experience but it should be clear that they have very talented and hard-working players ahead of them and they need to work hard for a place. Maybe they feel the task is too great. If that's the case, they both need to be moved on ASAP.

Encouragingly, our defensive line probably contained our best performers. As I alluded to yesterday, we needed the whole team working defensively to protect our cobbled defence and that didn't happen. But the signs of three youngsters and le Coq, yep even Arsene's Coq, getting his first outing for over a year, were promising enough.

Nevertheless, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if we don't need to use Hayden and Bellerin as starters in any important games this year, as promising as they might be, so this is not the titular silver lining.

The saving grace of our exit takes a series of unnecessary fixtures out of the schedule that our top heavy squad probably can't cope with. It means there are less minutes to go around for our plethora of midfielders and attackers but based on last night's performance, that's no big loss.

Let's treat this like the friendly it might as well have been, sweep it under the rug, push it in front of a bus even, and get on with smashing Tottenham with our newly rejuvenated (not premature at all after one good game) Ozil pulling the strings.

That's all from TheArseAndAll.

Tuesday 23 September 2014

Forgotten ones take on the Saints...

Hi all,

Thought I'd get a blog in this evening as we have a game coming up and people are more likely to read my indulgent drivel when it's loosely tied to something they care about.

Perhaps I'm being a bit too honest.



Anyways, my thoughts on this evening. I concur with most and see this as a golden opportunity to rotate. I expect our defence to be very young and cobbled together with Bellerin and Hayden getting starts, probably Chambers too in the centre, then someone like Coquelin at leftback. As for the rest of the team I'd expect to see coming in: Ospina, Diaby, Podolski, Rosicky, Campbell, Flamini and maybe someone like Gnabry. that team actually could be pretty strong going forward on paper. A front three of Podolski, Campbell and Gnabry certainly could offer a lot. I'd bring in Sanogo if he isn't actually injured anymore too. and I'd be pretty comfortable with a central three of Flamini, Diaby and Rosicky if they are all fit and good to go against a lot of teams. It speaks volumes for our depth. Shame about the lack there of in the back.

I'm looking forward to seeing these players get their chance to prove they have something tangible to offer in a side of already high quality because you have to think if they can't perform tonight they're unlikely to get much of a look in in the important games. Unlike previous Carling Cups, youth will be fielded out of necessity rather than luxury in the back four but we have so many experienced players not getting minutes they have to be getting those minutes in these games.

What's more, this encounter is quite a tasty one for me because I genuinely could not careless if we crash out of the cup at this stage. Given the choice, of course a win is preferred, but having won the FA cup last season, I am not so desperate for silverware that I want to see our strongest team really go for the League Cup as I might have done in recent seasons. As long as our players go out their to do their best and impress I'll be content. The Saints are on a roll this season. Having said that, if our team can stay organised defensively to cover for the inexperienced back four, we definitely have enough going forward to hurt them and I'd say we're favourites going into this game.

Hopefully, unlike last Tuesday *cough* you won't read from me again this evening because all went swimmingly. My foot did not taste nice.

That's all from TheArseAndAll.

Monday 22 September 2014

What a difference a game makes...

Hi dear reader. I know it's been about a week but I didn't much fancy blogging a lot after last Tuesday. What's more, weekends are out of bounds for me so here's your latest lot.


I think it's been pretty well covered but what's the point in blogging if you can't indulge in the joy resulting from a comfortable 3 nil win.
Three minutes of Ozilicious Welbeckness plus some lovely finishing from Cissokho (lolz!!) sealed three points for us, and a gleeful 60 minutes of monotony for the remainder of the match. I perhaps enjoyed the final hour as much as that fantastic three minutes. What's more, I would be remiss not to mention the other great things that happened this weekend. So I shall simply list the things that I loved:

Ozil's goal - cool finish. Great to see. Hopefully this marks the beginning of a long period of confidence for our fragile artist.

Ozil's celebration - as much as I loved his goal, I loved how f**king pleased he looked about it. It went against peoples' impression that he doesn't look bothered in games. He always looks like he works hard to me and he runs a lot but it might not be as obviously gut busting as the likes of someone like Sanchez.

Welbeck getting off the mark - I've been impressed with Mr Welbeck since his arrival and this can only do him good.

Ozil and Welbeck linking up deliciously - a little promise of something synergetic between them. Very exciting.

Arsenal bossing the game, especially after the goals - We had some rocky moments before our goals but after that Villa had no chance. Don't listen to illness excuses. They are as warranted as us being tired after the city game last Tuesday. I know it doesn't compare but I've played football when I've been under the weather and the adrenalin carries you a long way. They might well have felt it after the game but not during as much as people would have you believe.

Lampard's equaliser - You couldn't make it up. I never thought I'd be so pleased to see Fatface Lumpard succeed. It was hilarious that he was applauded by Chelsea fans, only to make them swallow such a bitter pill but 5 minutes later.


5-3 down from 3-1 up, that is how to f**k it up! - need I say more? It never gets less funny when united lose. Part of me suspects Giggs is intentionally giving Van Gaal bad advice so he can get the job he so desperately wants. I wouldn't touch the utd job with a barge pole. Tell you what team I would happily manage, though? Celtic... Guaranteed success. Neil Lennon probably quit because he was bored of all the half days and casual Fridays. That and the abuse, of course.

Spurs losing at home - LOL

Everton and Liverpool both losing - Just, lovely stuff. Everton was a massive shock. I did fancy The Hammers for that game though. Liverpool will definitely miss Luis Suarez. When Liverpool are on their game they can definitely still beat anyone but when they're not they've got no one to rescue them anymore.

Everything I wanted to happen happened. Well almost everything. I wanted a City Chelsea draw but they didn't kick lumps out of each other as I had hoped. But you never know. Maybe they'll be struck down by the VillaVirus.

This was a fun blog.

That's all from the ArseAndAll...

Tuesday 16 September 2014

Bugger off Borussia

Dear all,

Watching the game from behind a pile of unmarked English books, I was almost thankful that I had my student's written words to wash the taste of my own out of my mouth.



Ah the wide eyed naïve optimism of 7:15. What a young fool I was.

I want this blog to be about positive things, but this is difficult when there is nothing positive to blog about. Nevertheless, I want to give my 2 cents.

I will never be someone who calls for the managers head or the execution of our best players for poor performances, etc. Arsenal is what it is. We have good players. They're not performing consistently. Hopefully that will change soon. If it doesn't, I'll just recede into my bubble and ignore the more professional blogs out there.

Allow me to indulge you with my tactical knowledge, or lack their of. Arsenal's problem tonight can be boiled down to 2 key issues:

1. None of our players played as well as we expect our team to play.

2. Our tactics/formation is top-heavy.


Starting with the first point, I know that Ozil will continue to come under great criticism in the wake of tonight's performance, and indeed a measure of criticism is justified. He hasn't been playing well. That trend continued tonight. Let's put tonight alone at least into perspective. Our arguably most consistent players: Koscielny and Mertesacker were awful tonight; Szczesny was also pretty shocking; Arteta had a howler and we can almost always count on him to at least have a 90% pass completion; Ramsey has, through out this season, performed about as well as Ozil has, albeit with a few goals to his name which gets him a bit of leeway. This was a poor performance in a lot of areas.

Secondly, in parallel with our unbalanced, attacked-heavy squad, our formation, or at least the implementation of it, is not balanced enough. I would surmise that tonight, Wilshere and Ramsey were so eager to get in and make a difference they didn't negotiate well who should hold back a bit and be ready to cover.
Regarding the tactics, I believe last years Arsenal would have faired much better. This is not a consequence of our new signings but a consequence of our approach. We were away from home to a very good European side. I don't like to use the word respect but we should have at least adopted a more cautious approach and tried to find our feet. This should have been the default response when it became apparent we couldn't string 3 passes together. Settle down, take a bit of stock and pounce when the opportunity might arise. We did it so well last year, and the ability to do that is present in all successful teams. Chelsea did it to Liverpool in that crucial game last season, Man City did it to us in the early stages of our game on Saturday, the invincibles would frequently bide their time to strike on the counter attack when they were not clicking as irresistibly as we might like them to.

I hope this changes, less and less for my own joy of Arsenal. I love Arsenal and I enjoy reading about them but the misery on offer when things go wrong is not fun to read. It feels that the team we thought might be ready to have a real go at winning things, have actually taken a mental step backwards. That's not simply based on tonight but our start to the season. The promising display at Man City now feels like a false dawn. It doesn't seem to be from want of trying, even tonight, but the performance tonight was amateur. Not because the performance was poor, but the failure to recognise that things were hard and to change our approach to suit the situation and ride out the storm...

I digress. Last season we responded fantastically to setbacks, so I look forward to us smashing Villa to bits next Saturday.

For the second time this evening,

That's all from TheArseAndAll

Bring on Borussia

Dear readers,

It's been a while. I blame my work load. It's heavy. I really shouldn't have started this blog around the time I started teaching.

Nevertheless, where there is something for me to say, however pointless or redundant because it's been covered by x amount of other more known and read blogs, I shall be here to say it!

I have something to say. I am thoroughly looking forward to the Borussia Dortmund game. Do I think it will be easy? Absolutely not. Do I think we're in with a good chance? I have to think so. I think after Saturday's performance we're building to a good run. Okay, Saturday was not without it's flaws and, yes, there are certainly a great number of issues that we face. An ever mounting injury list for one.

We've had so many significant injuries this season already that I think we've got enough stamps on our card with the physios that we should be due a free robot leg or something.

This has led to the probability that Hector Bellerin will be promoted sooner than expected. I feel this is compounded by Arsenal.com's latest offering


The cynic in me would suggest Arsenal.com are attempting to get people used to the idea that we're playing a right back with little to no competitive experience in very important games. Let's face it, when we signed Chambers we would have baulked at the prospect of him playing in that position but now it seems much more favourable than Bellerin.

Nevertheless, I hope Bellerin comes good. From what I've seen he's got a lot of potential so let's hold on the criticism.

OH this just in, Bellerin starts. Good stuff. Besides, while we certainly lack in defenders, even if we had got the CB we all realise we needed, we lost both of our right backs in the space of a week and I think Bellerin would have played tonight anyway even with an extra CB.

Anyway, we've met Dortmund before, 4 times in the past 3 years as has been well documented. We've generally come out favourably. They have good players but they no longer have Lewandowski. We are a lot stronger going forward than we were last year and we were excellent at times on Saturday. We're due a good performance coupled with a good result. And we're undefeated so far although our points total isn't all that. Let's keep marching on!

That's all from TheArseAndAll

Thursday 11 September 2014

#Rainbowlaces puts prejudice through it's paces

Rhyme and alliteration all in the same title - You lucky readers!

Greetings,

Perhaps my initial intention of one new blog every week day was a bit optimistic but in fairness I have been hugely busy this week. You are not to know this however but let me tell you, my urge to write hasn't been helped by having very little to write about. I've milked Welbeck for all his worth and with silly season officially over, coupled with a drab interlull, what's a new freshfaced blogger to write about?

Then the answer came to me. I shall barrage the barriers to the end of homophobia. One chap and his blog will single handedly end one of lingering prejudices we harbour as a society... OR, one chap and his blog will jump on the bandwagon of a current and trending initiative... I shall let you be the judge.



I suppose to refer to homophobia as a lingering prejudice implies that it is one of the few remaining that just won't go away. Yet actually prejudice is still very much alive and well. With the impending doom of intelligence paving the way for fascist pretenders such as UKIP to gain significant political footing, gender roles changing yet not balancing, and regular people continually getting shafted by life there is certainly a lot of scope for prejudice to cultivate. Depressing? Absolutely. Nevertheless, I did start this with a few small anecdotes in mind and wish to show support to the #rainbowlaces campaign from the safety of the anonymity behind my laptop.

In Tim Stillman's latest post on Arseblog, he wrote very much in favour of #rainbowlaces and the pride he felt that Arsenal have started to lead the way in the campaign to kick homophobia out of football. This is indeed a very nice point. He also talked about how it is very much a battle against the unknown or unconsidered prejudice we may all inherently hold. A point I must agree with. I'm ashamed to confess that while I am 100% in favour of it, part of me was reluctant to express my support until I others had shown their favour. I am certain I am not the only one who has experienced this inner conflicted and often allowed the prejudice to win because it is easier, but thanks to some less cowardly individuals than myself there seems to be some momentum behind this campaign.

As recently as last month, while I enjoyed watching Arsenal lose one nil to Monaco in the Emirates cup, I had the pleasure of sitting in front of a genuine Neanderthal and his silent partner who I can only assume was slightly embarrassed in his silence. The cave troll could not contain his anger and disbelief at the 'Gay Gooners' banner at the other side of the stadium. He did not build an argument of any kind for exactly why the banner was a ridiculous; partly because there isn't one, partly, I expect, because he was incapable. As he spoke he voiced such gems of wit as "f$kin gay gooners?" and "I'm gonna go over there and rip it down!" while I thought "go on then... I'd like to see you try... As if you could...".

Did I confront the cretin? Of course not. I'm too cowardly remember?

I did, however, take some arbitrary solace when I discovered that he was a West Ham fan.


Typical West Ham fan - forever blowing bubbles
I hope Jenkinson doesn't come back with a protruding forehead

Anyway, if the Gay Gooners and #rainbowlaces can help people get accustomed to the fact that liking football and being gay do not have to be mutually exclusive then all the better, but there is certainly a long road ahead.

As a Primary school teacher, I am very careful about the images I present to my kids. If I show them football, I try to give equal time to both men and women's football. If I show them firefighters, I am careful to include females as well as males and different races. But, while I would absolutely not tolerate any prejudice from my students regarding gender, race or even homophobia, I am not comfortable enough to value homosexuality as I would all genders, races and religions. Part of this is because of the word sexuality. It's embedded in the language but surely being gay is more than just about sexual preferences. The reason I am uncomfortable in valuing it is because I fear the backlash of parents because of the general perception towards homosexuality and I don't feel confident it's a fight I can win, nor do I feel the support is in place to deal with this sort of situation.

As pathetic as it is, the world is not ready to fully accept homosexuality, but I hope campaigns such as #rainbowlaces can give help prepare us. After all, I'm definitely in support of it online and in public, now that I realise it's okay to be.

Monday 8 September 2014

Welbeck Well braced in England outing. More of that for us please!

Good evening dear loyal readers.

I hope you had a good weekend. I certainly had an adequate one. I saw the hundred-foot-journey on Saturday, a moderately enjoyable food film outing. There's little else to say about it however I am certain I can relate it to Arsenal. A young Indian cook and his family end up opening a restaurant across the street from a Michelin starred restaurant. One of the French chefs whose name I can't remember from the Michelin starred place turned out to be a bit of a racist. Let's call him Jean Thierry. Incensed with rage at the Indian restaurant being open on Bastille day he and his mates Ashli Ceul and Reubin Vin Peppe (le pew) tried to torch the place! The owner who had previously been a bit of a Mourinho morphed into something a bit nicer, like... I can't think of an opposition manager I actually like. Maybe David Moyes. Anyway she helped them clean up their wall, sacked Jean Thierry and offered the young chef, Yayaz Anogeu, a job. He worked his way up the ranks, kicked arse, earned them another Michelin star, then returned home the finished article.

Now my if my thinly veiled allegory is lost on you let me explain. I think Arsenal should take this approach and loan out Yaya Sanogo! He'll be all the better for it! Not to Chelsea of course. No, and I don't think he should take the place of John Terry (represented by Jean Thierry). but yeah, loan him out. It'll do him good!

Anyway, if Saturday was somewhat inspiring, Sunday was better. I saw Matilda at the West End. It was awesome. I love Ms. Trunchball even if she did kill the teachers mother. Easily the best character. The evening was polished off at the pub which was delightful even if it did make my morning at work less bearable.

Now onto new business. Welbeck scored both of England's goals in their victory over Switzerland. Good for England. I'm English, mostly. I like that England won. But I'm a Gooner, entirely. I like that an Arsenal player, albeit one who is yet to kick a ball in anger or otherwise in our favour, scored two goals. An Arsenal striker no less. Although this won't benefit us directly, the confidence gained at scoring an international brace can only be good for us. Right? It can't hurt anyway!

Is it me or does Welbeck look a lot nicer, like a much more decent chap, since regaining his soul from the devils?

On a night when England played pretty well, if they rode their luck a little, I am most pleased with Welbeck. Raheem Stirling excited Robbie Savage by trundling around and kicking the ball over the bar a lot. Wayne Rooney was a potato as always. An effective one, he was, for sure. But still a potato. He looks, acts, smells and finishes like a potato. Of course I'm biased so I would only be most pleased with Arsenal players. Wayne Rooney could score the winning goal in a world cup final and he would still be a potato to me.

On me spud, mate!

Gone are the days when I could get behind a team not heavily Arsenal influenced. I remember being quite passionately behind the England team in Euro 96 and World cup 98. Of course I was 11-13 years old at the time.
 I saw a few good moves from Wilshere too which was nice. I never see anything bad from Wilshere in an England shirt. Admittedly, I don't see him turn the games on his head but I never thought he deserved the vitriol he gets from plebs like Jamie Redknapp. Jamie Redknapp who was to football what Jedward was to music (no one can remember what their contribution was yet they seemed to have their heyday anyway).

But I digress, and might I prematurely and naively HAIL King Welbeck and wish him many years a top our front line, shinning in goals from all angles and distances.

Til tomorrow,

TheArseAndALLLLLLLLLL

Friday 5 September 2014

PAW - Professional Arsenal Wrestling

Dear readers,

Yesterday, we (he says 'we' hopefully) thought about the lovely delicious revenge we could reap on those players that have wronged us. Yes it's just a job to them and they don't form the emotional attachments to clubs that we do and we might not feel so affronted as relieved if say Niklas Bendtner had abandoned us for Manchester United rather than RVP. Nevertheless, we are football fans. We have an emotional connection. Without it, those cunts and the ones who are not cunts because they haven't left, wouldn't be nearly as rich as they are. When players like Samir Nasri call us stupid for booing him after leaving because he's not an arsenal fan, he doesn't consider that without fans, any fans, he would have no career or fortune. I'm not saying therefore he should have stayed. He should simply be less of a disrespectful prick.

Whether he likes it or not, our emotional connection to football leads players such as him, RVP and the like to become pantomime villains to us. Subjects of hatred whenever they perform before us. That is the delight of the football story that a player can be at once a hero to some and a villain to others. It reminds me somewhat of WWE and the like, although they never quite encapsulated it as successfully. When I most used to enjoy watching beefy men touch each other in leotards was in the heyday of Bret "The Hitman" Hart. The best time was when he was hated in America, and yet loved everywhere else. WWF, at the time, were of course realistic enough to recognise that they wouldn't put off his native Canada, but I bet were somewhat perplexed that he retained his popularity worldwide in spite of the fun youthful impudence of HBK.

Anyway, If Nasri were a pro-wrestler, he would certainly be a heel, villain, badguy. He might imagine himself to be some sort of Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock who does what he wants and does it with style but I much more see him as the Razor Ramon/Scott Hall type. Smarmy and arrogant but ultimately a bit shit when it counts.

Nasri Ramone will stomp a mudhole in your bottom
I imagine RVP, because of the name, as some sort of aristocrat. Robin Von Penisbref with a monocle, top hat and curly moustache. Of course Cashley Cole would be equivalent to the Million Dollar man. It's clear as day.

But how do our heroic, virtuous and lovable Arsenal players present themselves?

My special move is looking nonchalant
Some of the names write themselves: The Nacho Mon, Randy Spanish; Ravishing Oli GiRude; The BFG is already a fairly wrestler-fied name. But what about the others? Alexis "the Hitman" Sanchez doesn't do it for me. Mikel HeartEater might strike fear into the opposition but it wouldn't come across as though we're the good guys. You might say that we're only the good guys to us as other fans will perceive themselves as the good guys. But come on, we're the good guys. Chelsea and Man City fans are the footballing equivalent of Nazi sympathisers (too much?) and are bound for a moment akin to this Mitchell and Webb look sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv2XGQBcvxQ

Anyways, I'd love to read any suggestions for Arsenal player/wrestler name mash ups.

Until Monday! No blogs at the weekend. No!

Thursday 4 September 2014

I like good and likable things

Hello all,

I just can't help myself with this blogging recently. I've already got the next one written because it's nice and general and dare I say... timeless. I can post it any time and it will be just as relevant, or not, as the case may be.

This however is a response to the goings on. I have just discovered part two of Danny Welbeck's Arsenal Player interview. The sequel to part one, I suppose. I didn't know there would be a sequel. You may have read it and in it he discusses the Arsenal team, the core of English players and how he is familiar with London Colney. Clearly our stellar training facilities and local faces have been instrumental in getting Welbeck up the Arse n all. to the Arsenal. They say sequels are never as good as the original and in my opinion this is no exception. No disrespect to Welbeck, of course. I'm sure he didn't realise when he signed the contract he'd be doing interview after interview.

Had he realised he might have saved some of the gold from the first interview, in which he revealed is psychic powers of future predictions. In part 2, he reveals somewhat startlingly that he admired Henry when he was growing up. My nan (she doesn't know much about football) knew that Mr Henry was amazing stuff of legend even as he played. Could you imagine, when asked about Henry, if Welbeck had said, "Henry? No, I never cared for him. I thought he was a poor player. Yes he scored 200+ Premier League goals, but they weren't all scorchers were they? Yes, he was the talisman for the only Premier League team to last a season unbeaten, but did he ever achieve perfect equilibrium with the horizon of his haircut? Awful awful player."? Admiring Henry is akin to liking pizza. Those who don't are immediately thought of as weird and should be ostracised.

A positive can be drawn from his interview however. He lists his two heroes growing up as Thierry Henry and Ryan Giggs. He was supposedly a united fan but in my book you can't be a proper fan of a club and idolise a player from their direct rival. Therefore, he wasn't really a united fan and will have no reservations putting them to the sword! (I may be getting ahead of myself).

Usually in trilogies the first is great, the second is poor and the third really pulls it together. Thus, I await Welbeck interview part 3.

TheArseAndAllIsUp

BTW - if anyone doesn't like Henry, Pizza or other obviously likable things that everyone likes, let me know. For instance, I'm British and I don't like tea.

More than they deserve...

This is the fourth offering from TheArseAndAll in as many days and, while that may not be impressive to you, I have already exceeded my own expectations. Maybe I should set the bar a little higher. Perhaps I should try to churn out a blog every hour! Or maybe I should simply try to stay the path of one a day. Really it's been four in three days. I am writing this now on the third of September with the intention of posting it on the fifth of September (edit: and here I am posting it on the fourth. I can't help myself). I wrote the transfer window one a day in advance of publishing. I wrote the Welbeck prophet one with the intention of posting it on the fourth but I figured it would be better to be current.

You don't need to know all this so I'll get to the point of this blog. RIGHT AFTER thanking who ever is giving my blogs +1. You are making me very happy. The next thing that will make me happy and justify my writing existence it to see some comments on these blogs. I will interact. I don't bite.  But alas it is early days.

Now to the point of the blog.

While I had made it clear in the initial blog: http://thearseandall.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/enter-arse.html (notice how I'm steering people back to previous blogs to up the views? clever eh). Yes, while I made it clear in my opening post, that this blog is about celebrating Arsenal and not griping to much about them for it really does sap the joy out of football for me, I did also mention that this blog will moan about stuff. This can take the form of slagging off those players whom a fan might feel wronged by.

In fact, plotting revenge on such characters can be a huge source of pleasure and therefore is very much in keeping with the spirit of TheArseAndAll. Thus I would like to turn my attentions to Cesc.
Now, I recently commented on an Arseblog news article (cheap pops) that "I got over my Cesc love very quickly when he started teeing them  up [with distressing regularity] at Chelsky. I hope the rest of his career is met with abject failure. Sounds harsh to type it “out loud”. But he’s not an Arsenal player."




Fabregas was never of an era to sport such Pat Sharp like hair

As with many fans, I harboured the romantic ideal of Cesc's glorious return to Arsenal, a la Henry, however Cesc would still be in full pomp. I tried to reconcile his transfer to Chelsea when it happened by telling myself he was never the player at Barcelona that he was for us. We have Ozil. Cesc has lost his youthful looks. We don't need him. Therefore it's okay for him to go and flounder at Chelsea. His immediate success coupled with the lack of immediate obvious impact from Ozil has swiftly dropped the axe on that one way emotional connection I felt with him and perhaps a career met with abject failure is not satisfying enough recompense.

Nay, if the world were fair, not only would Cesc suffer careerwise, he would have to face everyday accompanied by a backing soundtrack courtesy of The Shaggs: (edit: for some reason the video won't stream directly to the blog, but check it out,. It's awesomely vengeful)



Widely accepted as one of, if not the worst band/musical project of all time. To fully satisfy my vendetta, every time he farted, he would poop without restraint. Too much to ask?

It maybe petty, but therein lies the fun. Let's have a think about some of the others that have wronged us. Let us know what you think would be genuinely fitting retribution. Here is some inspiration.
  

Did I miss anyone?




Wednesday 3 September 2014

Welcome Welbeck - Forward, Winger, Prophet

Welcome Welbeck.

A big Welbeck Welcome. There has to be the perfect word play for this but it is just out of my reach.

Welbeckcome Welcomebeck. Whatever...beck.

As I touched on yesterday. Danny Welbeck's arrival is pleasing to me. He is now listed on the website:

 
 
Now we have 3 keepers, 10 midfielders, 9 forwards and... 6... defenders. *gulp*.
 
Welbeck has been talking about a vision. He envisaged a career at Arsenal. He "imagined" playing in the Arsenal team many times and now it has come true. Startling. He also foresaw joining in with our trademark link up play, running onto balls and scoring lots of goals so hopefully he maintains his so far 100% accurate record as a prophet and does just that.
 
I'm certainly all for Welbeck the Seer striking fear and goals into the opposition's defence. After time, defenders will simply give up. "Welbeck foresaw this goal" they'll say. "He is correct in his visions with eerie accuracy." or if the defender is John Terry "'e knowed it'd go in 'e did." not that it would stop him flopping in front of the shot like a dolphin in an effort to stop it when he could have used, you know, his feet. Like a footballer.
 
Here was Welbeck talking to Arsenal player about his vision:
 
(edit: I just realised it's a bit of a tease putting this picture because it looks like you can click play and it will be a video - Sorry! ^.^)
 
Were I granted the opportunity to ask Welbeck the Wise a question, I'm not sure what I'd ask. "Will you score many goals?", "Will Arsenal win more silverware this year?", "Will Suarez bite again?". Maybe "How many minutes will Diaby rack up this year?"
 
If you're reading this perhaps you'd like to suggest some questions below? Then we can make a list and send them off to be answered all at once. Peppering him with questions will probably grow tedious after all.


The Transfer Window

Greetings Gooners.

All in all, I have to say I'm pretty pleased with the window.

First the drawbacks. No CB. No DM. While I'm sure it's news to everyone. Arsenal didn't sign a CB or DM. I have gather from comments around the web that most people think the businessmen at Arsenal simply didn't bother to pick up either. Given that we have been continuously linked with strong midfielders for the entirety of the window I find that unlikely. We have hardly been linked with defenders, however Arsene had observed several times in interviews that a defender is what they need, so I doubt that Arsenal simply didn't bother. It just didn't happen. This is, as I'm sure you'll agree, a shame. This is not, as you might not agree, a cause for revolt. We wanted. It didn't happen. The window is shut. Let's move on.

The good things. We added Ospina, Chambers, Debuchy, Sanchez and Welbeck. I am happy about all of these! (To varying degrees of course. Sun rays don't constantly shine from my Arse And All). I will list them in order of bringing me least to most happiness.

David Ospina
5. Ospina providing competition for Szczesny can only be good. I haven't seen much of him but noises around other blogs make him sound like great competition. However had we signed a back up no name Viviano-esque player I would have been equally as happy. Ospina would have to be outstanding to see Szczesny usurped. Hopefully, he is outstanding and this pushes Szczesny into the realm of Seaman. (this realm a bit more hairy and prickly with tache hair than the realm of semen which doesn't bear thinking about). Whatever. A good player who can back up/usurp a good player. Goalkeeper is that sort of position where you just need a really good one, not a particular sort of one, to my uneducated mind anyway.

Alexis Sanchez
4. Sanchez, to your great alarm I'm sure, is merely fourth on my list. Had all 5 signings been made at the same time Sanchez was certainly number one. Don't get me wrong. I love that he's already got 2 goals. I love that he played a blinder against Besiktas. I love that he is going to put the shits up a lot of opposition. After all, all of these players make me happy. I think I've just had enough time to get used to his signing be the end of the window so the happy feelings aren't quite as strong as they were. But tricky feet, energy, proven, superstar, he'll be awesome. The more players we have like this, the less the opposition will know who to double/triple mark.

Mathieu Debuchy
3. Debuchy is clearly a hard worker and not afraid of a scuffle. I like that he is happy to be at Arsenal and told everyone how he's so happy to be here with the facilities Arsenal have. How it's another world to Newcastle, where they nurse ailments with their special tonic (Newcastle Brown Ale) and treat a broken leg by stamping on your foot (to take you mind off the leg break they say...). From what I've seen so far, he's an, dare I say it, upgrade on Sagna. Sagna, who everyone rated (and for good reason), seemed to get dispossessed or give the ball away with a crap pass quite often whenever I watched him which used to do my head in. Don't get me wrong. A consummate professional he was. But I haven't seen these shortcomings in Debuchy. While Debuchy has his own, which seem to be a side effect from playing with drawling trolls, I reckon they can be ironed out.

Danny Welbeck
2. Welbeck is, in my humble bloggy opinion, going to be the most successful signing we've nicked from that little club in Manchester. Of course, there isn't a huge amount of competition. Welbeck however represents a signing of different circumstance: He wasn't palmed off to us in a trade for one of our superior players and he isn't past it. I am convinced he's yet to peak and when he does, he has the potential to peak high. Like many of you when I first heard we were in for Welbeck I treated myself to a sneer, but quickly my mind changed as I gave it further thought about what we need, how he is a gift bag of potential from a desperate rival, the fact that he sought us out for a transfer and Spurs were shafted in the process. The fact it dragged on into the night before confirmation took a lot of the glean off it in the end but I am looking forward to seeing what he does.

Calum Chambers
1. Chambers probably would have been the lowest down the list were all signings made on the same day. I had no idea who he was. He has come in and played very assuredly for a guy of his age at CB and at right back against Besiktas. He has made a few mistakes which have fortunately not cost us yet but come on. He'll be a great option for years to come and I feel more comfortable with him back there than Vermaelan. I loved Vermaelan and wish him the best at Barca but the manager didn't seem to rate him much by the end and neither did I.

All in all, a good window's business. What's more, we kept Podolski and Campbell. Okay they don't appear to be favoured options of the manager. But it's great to have someone like Podolski able to come off the bench and swing is left foot at the ball. Campbell is something of an unknown quality and he too is exciting.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Over to you guys. How do our five new boys rank from least to most exciting, least to most happiness-enducing, least to most delicious, least to most groingrabbingly awesome... Whatever you like. Let me know up the Arse and all.

Tuesday 2 September 2014

Enter the Arse

Hello all,

This is the blogging debut of ArseAndAll. Here you can find feelings, opinions and reactions to things that happen to Arsenal. It very much feels to me that things happen to Arsenal rather than Arsenal getting out there and creating their own destiny. Of course this will be qualified somewhat by actions that are intended. I could not very well say Aaron Ramsey and co didn't contrive to win the FA cup to the best of their abilities (and what a great day it was). However, were they more in control of their own destiny I feel it would have arrived a might easier than it did. Perhaps the invincibles were masters of their destiny... it's something I welcome debate on.

To elaborate further, this blog will: comment on things; give opinions on Arsenal things; moan about things; talk up things; slag off things; make light of things some might find frustrating (who needs a new centre-back?) and more! Possibly more. I don't know what the more is yet but when I do it will definitely be included.

However, this blog will not: call for the axe of the manager; berate any players; moan to the point of misery; take itself too seriously; take Arsenal too seriously; take football too seriously; take life too seriously; humour those that do.

To be clear. All comments in the latter vein are welcome, this is the Arse and All after all (there's a nice phrase), yet they will be received with humour, mocking, micky-taking and possibly disdain.

Racism and other socially unacceptable prejudice, you will not find here (except against the nation of John Terry - go back to your shitty Island of last name Terry's. He's the only last name Terry I've heard of so I can only assume they're all cunts. [and thus prejudice is born]).

For you see guys, this blog has been floating around in the realms of possibility for some time. (Eagerly awaited by all, no doubt) but it has finally been prompted by the miserable reaction to Arsenal's deadline day exploits.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. (Hmm... cliché. Like one straw made a difference anyway. The pie that tipped the scales to morbid? The sardine that burst the can? the goal that broke Sanogoal's duck? wait I'm all for that...) I'm sick of the misery, doom and gloom. We won the cup for Flamini's sake. We are the FA cup holders. We are the Community shield holders (lolz). We are undefeated this season. We have played like arse, but we are Arse... nal. So join me in celebrating, as much as we can, what we are, what we have done, what we might do, and the misery of our rivals. Join me in looking on the bright side. Join me in loving it. Join me up the Arse! And! All!

*rousing rapturous applause please*

AB - TheArseAndAll@gmail.com