PAW - Professional Arsenal Wrestling

Dear readers,

Yesterday, we (he says 'we' hopefully) thought about the lovely delicious revenge we could reap on those players that have wronged us. Yes it's just a job to them and they don't form the emotional attachments to clubs that we do and we might not feel so affronted as relieved if say Niklas Bendtner had abandoned us for Manchester United rather than RVP. Nevertheless, we are football fans. We have an emotional connection. Without it, those cunts and the ones who are not cunts because they haven't left, wouldn't be nearly as rich as they are. When players like Samir Nasri call us stupid for booing him after leaving because he's not an arsenal fan, he doesn't consider that without fans, any fans, he would have no career or fortune. I'm not saying therefore he should have stayed. He should simply be less of a disrespectful prick.

Whether he likes it or not, our emotional connection to football leads players such as him, RVP and the like to become pantomime villains to us. Subjects of hatred whenever they perform before us. That is the delight of the football story that a player can be at once a hero to some and a villain to others. It reminds me somewhat of WWE and the like, although they never quite encapsulated it as successfully. When I most used to enjoy watching beefy men touch each other in leotards was in the heyday of Bret "The Hitman" Hart. The best time was when he was hated in America, and yet loved everywhere else. WWF, at the time, were of course realistic enough to recognise that they wouldn't put off his native Canada, but I bet were somewhat perplexed that he retained his popularity worldwide in spite of the fun youthful impudence of HBK.

Anyway, If Nasri were a pro-wrestler, he would certainly be a heel, villain, badguy. He might imagine himself to be some sort of Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock who does what he wants and does it with style but I much more see him as the Razor Ramon/Scott Hall type. Smarmy and arrogant but ultimately a bit shit when it counts.

Nasri Ramone will stomp a mudhole in your bottom

I imagine RVP, because of the name, as some sort of aristocrat. Robin Von Penisbref with a monocle, top hat and curly moustache. Of course Cashley Cole would be equivalent to the Million Dollar man. It's clear as day.

But how do our heroic, virtuous and lovable Arsenal players present themselves?

My special move is looking nonchalant

Some of the names write themselves: The Nacho Mon, Randy Spanish; Ravishing Oli GiRude; The BFG is already a fairly wrestler-fied name. But what about the others? Alexis "the Hitman" Sanchez doesn't do it for me. Mikel HeartEater might strike fear into the opposition but it wouldn't come across as though we're the good guys. You might say that we're only the good guys to us as other fans will perceive themselves as the good guys. But come on, we're the good guys. Chelsea and Man City fans are the footballing equivalent of Nazi sympathisers (too much?) and are bound for a moment akin to this Mitchell and Webb look sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv2XGQBcvxQ

Anyways, I'd love to read any suggestions for Arsenal player/wrestler name mash ups.

Until Monday! No blogs at the weekend. No!